You bring the fruit salad

Newsflash: Fruit is expensive. Maybe it's always been expensive and I just didn't know it? Which makes me feel bad for all of those years that my dad would by fruit and we would let it go bad. Dad had a saying growing up, "I buy this stuff, and nobody eats it!" (which loses it's effect without the proper delivery). Basically, he was pissed because he'd buy us the expensive sugary cereal that we would devour, minus a half a bowl at the bottom with, what we called, the "crumblies." Wait, this was a post about fruit. I digress.

I love to cook and entertain. It channels my inner Martha Stewart. Last year I was co-hosting a baby shower for a friend of mine (which a WHOLE can of worms) and was told to bring fruit. Because I cannot just bring fruit, I made a stone-fruit salad with a honey lavender sauce. It was off the hook good, but the dang thing cost me $50! I just about cried when I went through the check out, but man, was it worth it.

For any family function, we passive aggressively ask my mom to bring the fruit, because it's the most expensive. When divvying out food assignments I take into consideration the life situations of those who offer, and assign accordingly. Clueless Bachelor gets drinks. Flaky College Student gets chips and dip. Reliable Friend gets dessert. Arch Nemesis gets fruit -- because it's expensive, and she's annoying.

Not so long ago, I had my Lex Luthor bring fruit, as a sort of "ha! take that!" I took a small amount of pleasure in picturing her spending tons of money on fruit, and then having to stand over a counter and cut up all of that fruit.

Then not too long ago, the joke's on me, because Lex invites me to a cookout at her house, and when I ask what I can bring, I'm told I can bring "watermelon, or fruit, whatever.' So I bought a $3.99 watermelon, didn't even bother to cut it up, and called it a day.

So the next time someone asks you to bring fruit salad, you should probably step back and really think about what this person is trying to tell you ...

**I have about 7 other blog posts I want to write about, but this is the best I can do tonight. I'll get back into the swing of things -- I think.