Last Saturday it hit me like a brick -- I am leaving in less than 2 weeks. I have 2 weeks to all the things that I might not ever get to do again in Cleveland (that is until I come home for holidays and the like).
On Tuesday last we moved to a new apartment. I wasn't thrilled about the move, in fact the whole situation made me very grumpy, but I endured. I'm currently living out of one suitcase, in a room that isn't completely mine (mom has high hopes of a computer/sewing room once I make the trek to AZ). It feels so strange to not have a place to call home, and I suppose this is the first step of everyone letting go.
I always thought it was hard to be the one "left behind." Growing up, friends would move away and I would be so sad because they got to go on to big and great adventures, while I was left behind in the monotony of daily life. In my infinite wisdom (har-har) I've realize now how hard it is to be the one to go.
It's really difficult to hear my friends and family continue to make plans and carry on with their lives ... all with me 2000 miles away. It feels like when you were little, and you heard people making plans that you weren't invited to...and it hurts, a lot.
On Saturday, a really close friend of mine hurt me. I don't think he meant to, and I know that he knows that he hurt me ... but he hasn't yet apologized. He even made me cry ... twice. This is when I realized that my friends' lives will continue with out me. And it stung. And all I wanted to do was spend time with my friends before I left ... but apparently I'm the only one who sees the urgency in doing these last minute "hang out with Kerrie before she leaves" things.
Our Relief Society lesson last week was on President Faust's conference talk on forgiveness (or what I'm sure everyone refers to as "the Amish talk" -- because it refers to the shootings in the Amish community). I sat in church this week, the day after I had been hurt by my friend, and I realized, quite suddenly that I needed to forgive him. I was deeply embarrassed because this brought me to tears (still does), and he saw.
I still haven't told him that he's upset me, and I want/need to before I leave. Any suggestions for bringing it up, so I can let go??
1 comment:
The greatest freedom you will ever know is that of forgiveness. As your close friend I know you posess this great power. Let it go, free yourself and in the process you might open yourself to something new before you that you didn't know was waiting for you. That's my "infinite wisdom" for the day and i do have some forgiveness experience to pass on! Love you, Girl!
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